24 Hours Gone

My eye's are raw so I really have to stop crying. They feel like the bottom of your nose when you have a runny nose and it gets all raw and sore. It's been over twenty four hours since we lost our Maxx and I guess me and Jaike (his brother cat and best friend) are doing alright.

I let Jaike out for about half an hour this afternoon but he got in a fight with the neighbors cats almost immediately, he's out numbered 1-3 now and it would kill me right now if he got hurt or if anything happened to him so I made him come in for the rest of the day. I feel bad cause I know he is totally wondering where Maxx is and is already kind of whiny, sappy, and agitated and then I go and make him stay in on a beautiful Sunday when I'm home sitting on the computer all day.

I feel really bad and uneasy about the thought of leaving him alone on Tuesday when I go back to work. It's a really long day alone for him if I end up going to cadets after work. Jaike has never been alone without Maxx a single day in his life. I just don't want to leave him all alone... but I have to go to work... I've got all these obligations...

I so wish that I could have a miracle... I so wish I could fall asleep and wake up with my baby purring beside me. This is just so unfair, and so fucking hard.