The Only Day Of The Year..... That's A Command

It's my birthday today... March Fourth... The Only Day of The Year That's A Command... (get it... March Forth) ;)

One of my volunteers told me this at the volunteer banquet in Jan 1994 and I love it. Why... because March Fourth is the only day of the year that's a command and that makes it pretty special.

I am 31 today so I guess I got through 30... I am not sure what 31 should look like, but it sure doesn't feel or look like I thought it would have.

When I was five 30 was very old... I thought my grandparents must be around 30... I remember my mom shouting at me to come inside while we were living at my grandparents because she wanted to fill out the information sheet in out "school daze" yearbook that my mom kept. She wanted to know what I wanted to be when I grew up. Well... I wanted to ask the little boy next door what we were going to be. I think she said no but I ran out anyways and he was in his front yard and so I asked him and he told me... when I grew up I was going to be Spiderman!

When I was ten 30 seemed quite old... I thought that when I was 30 I would be a mom with five children. I decided that I would be happy if they were all boys, but really sad if they were all girls. I figured the ideal would be boy, boy, boy, girl, boy. I wanted one daughter but not more than one really... I was a die hard tomboys and did not really like girls but did dream of a huge family... I planned on starting on it with the first one arriving at 21! I wanted to be an architect.

When I was fifteen 30 was definitely adult but not really old... I thought that I would hopefully have found someone and be married with a few kids at least. I wanted three kids, the ideal being boy, boy, girl. I wanted to travel in my 20's. I was a cadet and thought about applying for military college where I would get paid to be a student and could maybe become an engineer or something... I began to write for the school paper and thought about being a reporter, I bought my first camcorder and thought maybe I would make movies, I changed my mind daily!

When I was twenty 30 was... not so old... I thought that by 30 I would probably be established in my career, I thought that I would hopefully be settling down with a few kids. I was in college doing my broadcasting diploma and thought that when I was 30 I would be working somewhere else hopefully overseas doing camera work or working internationally for FOX or some other network.

When I was twenty five 30 was right around the corner... I was working with Richard establishing Radius and hoping and dreaming big. We were working on a couple of different products, setting up websites and creating all the marketing material for our products, importing products from China, and working hard... I thought that by 30 these projects would be well on their way and me and Richard would be living quite comfortably. I was hoping to semi-retire around 30-35 to start a family.

I am past 30 today... I am 31 and I am not spiderman, I am not an architect with five kids, not an soldier, and engineer, an international reporter, or semi-retired.

I work for a non profit agency training volunteers for the 24 hour crisis lines, teen and youth drug line... don't even ask me how I got here... that is a long story in itself. I would have never imagined that I would be doing this type of work... it wasn't ever really in the plans but I love the work that I do, I work with volunteers training them to listen and to help, I know that they go out and use that to help around 70,000 callers a year. I am single... which is okay some days... somedays it's lonely. I used to think that I could never live alone, I have done it for a while and wonder if I could live with someone else. I own my own home, I should have it paid off by the time I'm 45. I think I still want kids, but don't feel like I am "grown up" enough yet to do that (crazy I know)... I'm not sure if that will ever happen for me... but I think that it would be alright even if it didn't... I have two god sons that are my boys, and I think they will be there to help me move furniture when I am old and grey, I may have a few nieces or nephews too.

I'm not where I thought I would be... in many ways I wonder how I got here... and if I am anyway NEAR the path I was meant to travel. I grieve for some lost dreams (I really wanted to be spiderman) but at the same time am thankful for how some things have turned out...

and I really wonder what fourty is going to look like...