When People I Have Known Died

I read a story on another blog that got me thinking about people I have known who have died... there have only been a few but each have been significant.

The first person that passed away in my life at five or six was my Grandpa Buzz, I was young but I remember it vividly. Me, my mom and sister were living with Grandma and Grandad Shadbolt in Calgary when my mom came and told us. I was sitting on Genitta's bed at the end of the hallway, I think me and Genitta were playing a game in there. I remember being really sad and crying and wanting to go visit Grandma Lil just to make sure. I was really hoping that we could go to the funeral... mostly out of curiosity I have to admit, I wanted to see him, I knew that my Dad Bruce would be there, I knew that we weren't going... we were too young. Grandpa Buzz was the only person I knew that had died for many years and he was the one that I sent a thought to and lite a candle for every year at the Rememberance Day Parade's I attended from age twelve through eighteen with cadets. I have heard stories over the years that have really demonstrated how much that man loved me and my sister and would have gone to hell and back for us, I resent that I did not get to know him better and love that I did develop a ritual to connect to him every year on November 11th.

The second person I knew who passed away was one of my cadets, and I am ashamed to say that I don't remember his name... but I will remember him forever. My Officer (and friend) Joy Bowen contacted me right after I left cadets to tell me that she had gotten a call from one of the cadets mothers. She told her that her son (14yrs old) had and an accident on his moped while playing around in the back fields in Shawnessy and had passed away. She found his diary... and in his diary, he wrote quite a bit about me. I guess while at summer camp the year before he was having a really hard time, and wrote about how ( I would come up to him when I spotted him in the canteen to say hi and see how things were goingI was a staff cadet and employed there for the summer), he mentioned talking to me at other times as well and me helping him out... his mother wanted Joy to ask me if I could come to the funeral. I was devestated because I could not put a face to the name, I felt like an invisible person and could not believe that anything I had done could have touched anyone else that much, and if so how the hell could I not even recognize who this person was!... I did not go to the funeral... I can't explain it but I didn't feel like I had a right... even though they asked that I go... the guilt will probably haunt me till the day I die.

I learned one of my life's greatest lessons at that moment... the little things conversations or things we may say everyday are HUGE... it's probably the biggest reason why I love my job... I know that even though Me and my volunteers are just taking another call and it means nothing in our day... one thing we say or one suggestion we make... could be HUGE.

The third person I have known that passed away was really only an aquaintance... my good friend's friend who I hung out with once in awhile. He was at my house three days before he passed away. Paul died of a drug overdose at his house. Paul went to high school with us and had been trying to kick the habit on and off for years. One of my first jobs when I was at AADAC which is a youth drug treatment centre was to go though the old old files and achieve them... I came across Paul's file and almost choked... he was one of the first three kids to ever go through the program. Paul and a bunch of people were hanging out at his house while his mom was at work. They were snorting and unbeknowst to them had a bad batch in their hands... when Paul and his girlfriend Marny started having problem's... or maybe afterwards everyone else in the house took off... I know that Paul really wanted to clean up for his mom and to make her proud ... he loved her and he didn't want to hurt her... she walked in that day and found Paul and Marny dead. Many of my friends were good friends with Paul and Marny... I didn't go to the funeral.

The fourth and final person who I have known that passed away was my best friend in junior high school Crystal. Crystal was an acquaintance in grade seven until she attempted suicide one night... I wasn't trying to off myself but we were both quite destructive so we bonded. Talk about hell for the administration in that poor school for the next three years! Crystal had some real problems and was getting abused pretty bad at home. Many a night I wanted to go and confront her fucking father after seeing the bruises and aftermath of their arguments, but I wanted to be loyal, I wanted to be a good friend, I knew that saying anything would mean that there would be a big scene, the scene would end, the "helpers" would go away, and Crystal would have to deal with him in the end... I wish now I would have told. Crystal got into the drug scene pretty bad and met my sister through a friend or a friend a few years ago. Crystal was excited she found my sister. She wanted me to call. My sister told me that she got sick and passed away... I read the obituary and recognized all the names... I didn't go to the funeral.